Dutch newspaper ‘De Telegraaf’
The originally Dutch article, ‘Ik huurde een gigolo‘, from the Dutch daily newspaper ‘De Telegraaf’ can be read here. The translated text of the article is written out below. By Hanna Gillissen
Lisanne: “I hired a gigolo”
After a bad marriage and more than ten years without sex, Lisanne (fictional first name) (49) took the plunge: she made an appointment with a gigolo. Since then, this mother of two daughters (18 and 21) is full of energy again. And she would love to break the taboo.
“I am sweet, gentle and tender. In a relaxed, respectful manner, I will let you relax for a few hours. We get acquainted, chat a bit and I propose to start with a relaxation massage, then an erotic massage and what are we going to do afterwards, Lisanne…imagine..”
“I lost it when I read the email from gigolo René! I had taken the plunge the day before and sent him a message. That I wanted information. That I hadn’t had sex in over a decade and had never had a climax in my entire marriage. That my self-confidence had taken a big hit and that I had a plus size − whether there was no barrier for him…”
“I got divorced in 2012, after over 25 years of marriage. Our sex life was not exciting and ten years before our breakup I found out that he was cheating continuously. I felt incredibly hurt, but we stayed together: as brother and sister. He thought it was fine this way: he could do what he wanted and I took care of the children. I wanted to maintain our family life. I had turned off my feeling.”
“Until I went for a drink with a school friend from back in the days. He kept telling me how much he liked me. I hadn’t noticed anything, but suddenly he kissed me full on the mouth. It was heaven on earth! At the same time I thought: now what? Cheating didn’t feel right, I was way too insecure for that. But it awakened something in me. I decided to get divorced.”
Scary
“I didn’t dare go on a date, let alone pick someone up in the pub. My self-confidence and confidence in men were completely gone. I thought I was fat, thought: what does anyone want with me? And I hadn’t had sex for such a long time, I had no idea what was expected of me in this field. Last spring I suddenly thought: you know what, I’m going to one of those gigolos. I had read something about that once and it didn’t seem like a too crazy idea to me. If I needed a gardener, I hired one, right?”
“I then came across the website of gigolo René. We emailed back and forth and he stressed that he wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t want. He would pamper me and I didn’t have to feel any pressure to please him. That gave me the confidence to keep going.”
“I thought it was terrifying, but I was also curious what it would be like to be ‘re-deflowered’. We agreed at a hotel; I didn’t want to be at my house, that was too close. But that same afternoon the tension hit me. I texted him, “Be honest, are even half of the references on your site true?” He texted back, “Everything is real, and you can judge for yourself tomorrow. Have you packed your suitcase yet?” I told my youngest daughter, who was often at home on weekends at the time, that I was going to do a day of wellness with a friend. I painted my nails, put on a nice scent and put on lingerie. That gave me a little confidence. The nerves raged through my body when I checked in. When he was a bit late, I thought: he’s not coming, I’ve fallen for it… But exactly at that moment I received a text message: “I’m coming up now.” My heart raced like crazy!”
“He came in: a slender, muscular but rather small man with short dark hair. Not usually my type, but I felt at ease with him right away. While he made coffee, I told him that I hadn’t had sex in a long time and that I wanted to get rid of my insecurity. He listened and said, “You missed a lot!”. Then he asked me to undress, except for my bra and panties. I lay down on the bed and he massaged me. At first I thought: I don’t know… But he was so very good! My lingerie came off and so did his boxers. And suddenly we were naked against each other on the bed and had sex like I had never experienced before.”
“It was as if my thinking was stopped and my feeling was switched on. All my fears were dispelled. I totally forgot it’s a job for him. It was so intense and thrilling. It was a four-hour journey in which I experienced several highlights. We lay side by side for some time. I was trembling with adrenaline. René said I should stop putting myself down, that I was worth it. Finally he got dressed again and took the envelope from the nightstand that I had left there as agreed. I stayed in bed for a while after that…”
No illusions
“It wasn’t love I felt. I see it really as a service. René taught me the sexual knowledge I needed. I don’t have the illusion that we had sex out of love, but out of respect and trust, and that is already quite a lot. My appointment with a gigolo has brought me so much good. It gave me a huge energy boost and I finally feel like a woman again. I’ve told four friends and they keep asking me when I’m going to see him again. I have at least one more appointment because I want to know more about the male body and how I can satisfy a man. And I want to relive it all again at a slow pace. Then I can move on.”
“René does ‘aftercare’ via email: he tells me to live and enjoy myself and even advises me on what to put in my profile on a dating site. I have already registered, but not yet on a paid site, that is still a bridge too far. And I chat via an online network. The men I meet there want everything right away, but I’m not ready for that yet. I use it purely for practice, to find out what I do and don’t want. Soon I will also go to a dance party to experience how things are in ‘real life’. Dating still scares me. But I have already taken such an important step that I have confidence that it will work out well.”
“I bustle and swirl, people around me can see that in me. But I’m sure no one will find this out! I also surprised myself. I have not received any negative reactions; the friends I’ve told are all happy I took matters into my own hands. But other than that I won’t tell anyone; I don’t want my children and employer to find out.”
“Why I’m telling this story – anonymously – is that I want to take the hiring of a gigolo out of the taboo. I want to get rid of the shadowy. Cause I’m not ashamed of it. In fact, I am proud that I took this step. It was the best decision after my divorce. It has also meant so much more to me than just ‘buying sex’: I went there to learn, to feel what it would do to me to be loved and to love. I wish every woman such an experience, especially women who, like me, had little self-confidence.”